The beginning of Several Successive Verses

I just had this conversation after having a talk about the obviously thin line between pathos and bathos in Alexander Dumas' writing.

kitdoesitbest (12:09:27 AM): fancy meeting you here
TimeFadedAway (12:09:50 AM): Tis a fancy affair nonetheless
kitdoesitbest (12:10:45 AM): everything is fancy with you my love
TimeFadedAway (12:11:14 AM): Fancy that
kitdoesitbest (12:12:49 AM): *kisses you*
kitdoesitbest (12:12:59 AM): so how was your day my love?
TimeFadedAway (12:13:44 AM): As all other days, daily.
kitdoesitbest (12:15:00 AM): ah, so nothing so special to set this one apart
kitdoesitbest (12:15:12 AM): do you think of me as i do you
kitdoesitbest (12:15:16 AM): <3
TimeFadedAway (12:16:16 AM): NO, I do not.
TimeFadedAway (12:16:33 AM): I, being only a man have limitations to my thoughts.
TimeFadedAway (12:16:58 AM): You , my angel; I can conceive of no limits for you.
kitdoesitbest (12:17:54 AM): i think you are mistake sir
kitdoesitbest (12:18:10 AM): for an angel would not do the things i would do to you
TimeFadedAway (12:20:30 AM): Ah yes, but yet a demon would not have these limitations either
kitdoesitbest (12:21:24 AM): and what would you say you are my love?
kitdoesitbest (12:21:30 AM): an angel or a devil?
kitdoesitbest (12:21:41 AM): or perhaps just somewhere in between
TimeFadedAway (12:23:16 AM): I lie precise in between, where I like to be.
TimeFadedAway (12:23:29 AM): Amongst the earth
TimeFadedAway (12:23:33 AM): and earthly desires
kitdoesitbest (12:26:36 AM): my love you temp me to the impossible task of growing wings, just so that i may look once more into your eyes and hold you close as ive been yearning to for so long
TimeFadedAway (12:28:19 AM): A thousand pardons if I cause you the least bit of suffering
TimeFadedAway (12:28:24 AM): Alas
TimeFadedAway (12:28:31 AM): Shall I begin to walk?
TimeFadedAway (12:28:41 AM): I shall walk to the nearest bridge
TimeFadedAway (12:29:00 AM): so that I may cross to the nearest ship,
TimeFadedAway (12:29:16 AM): so that I may sneak onboard
TimeFadedAway (12:29:24 AM): so that I may be ever closer to you.
TimeFadedAway (12:29:44 AM): I shall cross a league in a single bound, if at all possible
TimeFadedAway (12:29:56 AM): nay, even if impossible
TimeFadedAway (12:29:59 AM): for you.
kitdoesitbest (12:35:25 AM): you have always been with me my love. not a day goes by where i do not think of you. yes, i will make a month pass as a day if only to be closer to you all the sooner. for you have my entire heart and in that you have my promise to love you always and forever.
kitdoesitbest (12:35:38 AM): dear sir, you have in me but a fool in love.
TimeFadedAway (12:38:12 AM): -Ah, naught but a fool may be in love
TimeFadedAway (12:38:27 AM): May it be heard that I was not a fool, but by your hand.
TimeFadedAway (12:38:48 AM): Do not accuse me of acting against you in such ill will, it is you who have made a fool of me.
TimeFadedAway (12:44:22 AM): hmm?
kitdoesitbest (12:44:31 AM): then we shall be fools together, sharing our passions with one another and care not of what any other should think
TimeFadedAway (12:46:19 AM): Ah, I see your plot.
TimeFadedAway (12:46:39 AM): BY fool I am made to follow, and by fool I am kept.
TimeFadedAway (12:46:42 AM): And yet,
TimeFadedAway (12:46:55 AM): BY a fool, I'm in love,
TimeFadedAway (12:46:59 AM): so I may be kept
TimeFadedAway (12:47:10 AM): not against my will, as I have no will no longer
TimeFadedAway (12:47:27 AM): I, by a fool, am a fool, will stay a fool, for being a fool
TimeFadedAway (12:47:29 AM): in love.
kitdoesitbest (12:48:41 AM): such pretty words would not come out of a fools mouth thinks i.
kitdoesitbest (12:49:12 AM): or perhaps i am the fool for letting one steal my heart away so easily
TimeFadedAway (12:49:46 AM): Easily
TimeFadedAway (12:49:51 AM): EASILY!?
TimeFadedAway (12:49:57 AM): My word, great scot.
TimeFadedAway (12:49:59 AM): Easily
TimeFadedAway (12:50:14 AM): Truly a fool you think me to be.
TimeFadedAway (12:50:17 AM): Easily\
TimeFadedAway (12:50:44 AM): A man laying on a mine with a lit fuse has slept more easily than me
TimeFadedAway (12:51:56 AM): No man, short Odysseus has crusaded as far as I have for you.
TimeFadedAway (12:52:08 AM): Let it be known, than no simple conquest were you
TimeFadedAway (12:52:33 AM): nor that your coquete nature gave any lenience
TimeFadedAway (12:52:59 AM): If anything at all I am receiving my just rewards
TimeFadedAway (12:53:24 AM): if a lowly man such as I may receive anything at all.
kitdoesitbest (12:58:11 AM): a lowly man you are not, never have been, nor ever will be. a man such as you, is more than deserving of my heart and my affections. it was i, in my foolishness, who ran from such happiness as being with you. it is i who would weep at night thinking of how different things would be if i had only ran towards you. yet i still find myself here, the object of your affections, and to be honest my love, im overcome with emotion. i want only to be yours forever, whatever the cost and be damned the dark past, for the future, with you in it is brighter than anything i could have ever imagined on my own
TimeFadedAway (1:01:47 AM): I have no words for you
TimeFadedAway (1:01:57 AM): I can think of nothing
TimeFadedAway (1:02:16 AM): so I will say as a great romantic of our time has said, and allow his words to speak for me
TimeFadedAway (1:02:21 AM): "Ditto."
kitdoesitbest (1:03:06 AM): lmao

I've still been thinking about the same subject and have actually filled a couple pages of notebook with my ramblings.

I may take the time to type it all up, but probably won't.

I have jumped from subject to subject all somehow related and have recently been considering the issues of the Riemann-zeta function and it's hypothesis. Oddly enough, after watching the video "The Riddle" by Gigi D'Agostino I think I may have come up with an idea for the proof.

I'm not going to embarass myself by writing it down anywhere till I've figured out how wrong I am. I'll return with the million dollar proof if I find it.

Sorrow is a fruit; God does not allow it to grow on a branch that is too weak to bear it.
- Victor Hugo

I've been looking over the TAG argument(Transcendental Argument for God). It's pretty simple, and not really all that important. I'll explain it anyways.

There are two laws of logic (some would argue three). These laws are conceptual in nature and thus come from a mind. Since existence is independent of those in it. Something outside must be where these concepts originate from. That is what one would call God.

It is much more elaborate than that but you can google it. It's enough for the purpose of this post. It makes a simple categorical error and thus fails at proving its point. (If someone asks I'll go more into this)

Anyways, continuing. Considering this argument, and refuting it, got me thinking about the laws of logic. They are, put in layman's terms: All things are what they are, and, Nothing is what it is not. Mathematically it is, A=A and A=/=notA. Simple enough. Although seeming redundant, these are the only absolute truths. Beyond, "I think therefore I am;" For even if you weren't, these would be true. In fact, these truths seem to even exist independent of all our universe. At any point in time, at any place, in any case.

So I considered, "Could they be true independent of existence itself?" And it seems so. It truly does seem so. Can there be any existence without these laws? Truly ask yourself, if there is any other way.

I posit myself then, can there be any other existence beside ours in this massive universe? I don't mean besides earth, I mean besides this universe. Is logic against the postulations of multiple universes and all such considerations?

I then realized I had taken a left turn somewhere. Just because the nature of existence must be as ours has been, doesn't mean that existence has to ours. Still, it left a thought in my head. Something I couldn't figure out. Something I still can't quite put my finger on.

The error made in the TAG argument is a categorical one, he assumes that Logical Absolutes are concepts thought of as a mind. And they are, in a way. The words themselves are, the symbols, the phrases which we, as humans, have developed to have meaning. But their meaning, the ideas which these words point to are not concepts thought up. They are the nature of existence.

So then, why is the nature of our existence as it is? Why do these logical absolutes work? Maybe that last question is stupid, actually I know it is. They work because they do, there is no special meaning to it. But what I'm heading for is this: All existence would have these laws, all forms of it. Yet, how do I know I'm not making a categorical error?

Hold on, it's right on the tip of my brain.

You see, the laws of logic are dependent on the definition of existence. That definition is "Are" or "Is", depending on how you like to think of it. But what if every culture in the world did not imprint "is" as a principal concept? What if you didn't have a word for "is"?

What if you had never thought in terms of existence?

Could it be that there are realities without existence? Or at least as we know it? Are these other realities at least possible?

I'm gonna go look up what the meaning of the word "is" is.

"if you’re only watching the ball, then you’re missing the game."
--Andrew E. Kaufman

"Words should be weighed and not counted."
-- Yiddish Proverb

Hmm, I lost track of the thoughts I had today.

Damn.

I have nothing to say.
I've been working a lot recently and have had no real time.

I'm in love with two of the most beautiful women on the planet.

I'm apart from both.

I'm not all that happy, about that.

been making good money though.

Unclean
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were discovered in the platoon quarters," he said, "and the whole squad is being disciplined."

I launched into a tirade, arguing that Marines should not be penalized for something so trivial.

My husband interrupted. "Honey, when I said ‘dirty magazines,’ I meant the clips from their rifles hadn’t been cleaned."
-- Millie Courtis

Misunderstandings are at the root of of the world's worst actions. War being the first that comes to mind, one can argue that every war has had some misunderstanding at its root. But not even just large scale, but most small scale confrontations are also simply the effect of some misunderstanding. Hell, I'm betting there are even cases where one could argue a rape happened from a misunderstanding. Misunderstandings between people lead to arguments of futility.

And it is frustrating.

The art of arguing is dying. Somewhere along the line of history, humanity decided that to argue you just need anger and no knowledge. That you just need to prove your own point loudest, hardest, firstest and mostest. This is wrong. You have no idea how many times in life I have overheard miscommunication happen. I almost want to step in and tell each what the other meant, I actually have; I was then looked at with anger. When did everyone get so scared of being wrong that to be proven wrong is taken personally?

The funniest sets of miscommunication are those found between the atheists and creationists (and/or christian fundimentalist). I could say that most of it(a good 95%+) boils down to a misunderstanding of what the other is saying, and not an actual argument of what is being discussed. I think if this argument would actually be discussed fully well without misunderstanding and with consideration, they would come up with a simple point. The religious side would realize that much of convention, tradition, and habit is wrong. And the atheistic side would see that there is a large sphere of knowledge which is unavailable to them. At the same time, the disagreement is simply how to treat this knowledge realm outside of the current capacity of science. The religious would fit their beliefs into this while the atheistic would simply assume it follows from what we already know.

Why is arguing so frowned upon in today's world. With argument ideas become better developed, stronger. If the idea becomes weaker or destroyed then you no longer hold a false idea in your mind. Isn't that better?

I remember an idiotic boy, I wouldn't call him a man, who said to me that he dealt with his issues by talking to people about them. By asking their opinions and discussing his issues-- it was all I could do to not burst out laughing in his face. The boy surrounded himself by yes-friends who would insult any opponent and stand by his side without question. Friends who play devil's advocate usually were among the least trusted, and most recently, the most often discarded.


I was googling art of arguing and found this : http://atlanticherald.com/atlarge/2004/040325_arguing.html

It is well written and should be mandatory reading for most human beings. My favorite quote from it "True harmony is achieved not by suppressing conflict, but by embracing it productively."
I stand by most everything in the article, except for that not crowing over a defeated opponent thing. That's just too much fun to not do.

When I found myself dying, physically,
I laughed.

My delirium and fantasies of epic battles,
The ongoing battle within me, symbolized,
As the killing of demons, succubae, lawyers.

They were fun.

When I found myself dying, mentally,
I worried.

My imagination replaced with epic battles,
ON TV.
The ongoing battle in me, gone.
As the killing of demons, succubae, lawyers

Were on TV.

When I found myself dying, in my soul,
…Wait.

That cannot happen.

PS
The soul has no damnation or curse upon it.
Leave that thought behind.

My heart burns for you.
Like the old rugburns I used to get.
And my dreams twist towards you.
Like the flowers towards the sun.



We shall die so beautifully that to have ever lived will be folly.



Heaven will burn our eyes
and we will wander
for all eternity
with the image of love
on our retinas.

While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was on lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot called out. "This thing is supposed to float!"

As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to fly too!"
-- William T. Hargrove


Things should be as they should be. Shouldn't they?

Like,
I should be with Kati.
I should have more money saved up.
I should be in school already.
I should be healthy.
I should have finished so much writing by now.
I should be happy, somehow.
I should know what the hell I'm doing.

And yet, as that helicopter, things which are supposed to happen don't always.
And all of those shoulds haven't.

Bah, I just broke up with my girl. The one I've been with for a little over a year. The reason I stayed in LA for so long. Oh well, what can you do?

Now that I'm back I guess it's only fair to mention how my life has been.

I'm better now. Not sure how or why, but overall the stresses have been eased and I've figured out simpler ways of dealing with it all.

As of actual events there have been very few. I've had nearly no sex, which is actually really getting to me. I've spent my time working and working out. Though the last two weeks may have undone all of that.
I've been sick. Pneumonia and a double ear infection. Bedridden for a few days. Delirious for many more. It was actually pretty funny, but for the ridiculous amount of pain there is in peeling your throat. That and the fact that I'm rarely sick longer than 12 hours. I actually went to a doctor after six days. I despise medicine. And still I went in.
Chickenpox when I was a kid was two days. And I was only really itchy for a few hours. I rolled in poison oak, literally having sex in it, and had a small rash for about three hours. I've made out with the sickest of people, only to have their sniffles for a few hours. A fever? I just take a hot bath and it's gone.
Still, this sickness has been terrible. I've been in pain and weak, and crippled. I actually missed work.

Anyways, enough with my disappointment in myself.

Enough with this post actually. Can't think of anything else to say.

A large procession looms on the horizon, vague and uniform. It is a dark mass in the distance, yet its thunder has begun to arrive. Minutes later these shadows become figures, a large sprawl of creatures, seeming in celebratory march. The wind carries over their jubilee of songs and the carefree fanfare of elephants. The scent has arrived, a sweet, pungent odor of sweat and celebration. The nubile dancers' tireless artistry has brought a fair bead of sweat on their brows, spreading their perfumes and fragrances along with the aroma of sweat. The wind sweeps through the columns of legs of elephants and brings forth the odor of... something unmentionable. The banners, raised high, higher than men may leap, were a colorful veranda for the millions of exotic birds singing and chattering. The reds and blues and greens, so vibrant that the day would drag on longer should they be kept around. The parade almost seemed to be here, as the senses had all been touched. It only served to further expectation. And what a grand celebration it was, what with an entire gymnastics team defying the laws of gravity, and with a team of sorcerers powering these defiances. Colors shot out and decorated every dancer and acrobat, there seemed to be no clothes but a wall of color flowing and melding one with the other. The pack of pachyderms marched in time, in and endless staggered line, twelve elephants deep. In each staggering one saw more performers and greater fanfare, bands played endlessly, ringing notes impossible to comprehend, yet beautiful. The beat of the drums kept the time of the world, and the world marched in time with the elephants.
One could only ask what greatness lay behind it all. What deserved, or afforded, such an introduction? What king would we be seeing just beyond the fanfare?
There it is! The end! What could possibly be at the end of this endless parade?

We see a young child riding on a fallen banner, being dragged along by the final line of pachyderms, reading.

“What?” He asks crossly.

And behind him, nothing.

I spent the whole night searching for wisdom...

I guess Google does have its limits.

Deal didn't happen. I'm kinda glad.
No money though.

I'm going to be gone for a while, sorry.

So there's something I need to do.
I need money, but I never wanted to do this.

Wish me luck.

I haven’t really written in my journal for a while. I haven’t even been all that active either. To be honest, I’ve been slowly breaking down; Losing steam in will to live.
I lied to myself about it all, or rather, just lied to everyone.
I kept pushing on, going through the motions, trying to keep myself from falling apart as I helped my friends and family through their issues. I knew I was decaying though, I took it out on Kati too much at times.
I haven’t been taking care of myself really.
The senseless anger and violent thoughts fermented and continued to grow. Always well within my scope of control, but I realize only because I’m far too controlled. Lord knows my childhood wasn’t exactly the best thing for anyone, especially not for the personage that is my control.
Lots of things have happened.
I’m back in Florida. I’ve attempted attempting suicide, only to end up stopping myself out of guilt. I’ve started working out and lost 20lbs. My martial arts have been improving.
Overall in actual things happening I’ve been good, but my state of mind has been suffering.

Till about now.

I’m having a baby.

No, I’m not the father. No, she isn’t the person I’ve been with for the last year (Kati). No, I’m not leaving one for the other. No, it isn’t a regular relationship.
She, the mother, is an old friend, a lover of mine. There is no deceit. Kati is happy about it actually. Nevertheless, the reason I mention this is simple. I feel I have a purpose now. I don’t see an end to living this life sometimes, but I do understand responsibilities. And this child is my child. I will love it as my own even if I’m only called a godfather by it.
I’m happy by some strange sort of circumstance.

Now I feel like writing.

The art of living well and the art of dying well are one.
-- Epicurus

I'm alive and ok. My life has had it's ups and downs in the last while wherein I didn't have internet.

I'll give an update in a while. I have a research project to finish.

as well as this

To say all life is interconnected is a cliché. To say that we are all one seems obvious, an old idea reiterated every time some idiot decides that he wants to sound wise.

 

But to really understand it, you have to think. It has to dawn on you. But you have to think.

 

I absolutely love Objectivist philosophy, but if you are to follow her, purely her, the philosophy herself, you cannot adhere strictly to just what Ayn Rand said. She developed the philosophy, but it was nowhere near done. And Rand’s own biases are seen in a lot of objectivist literature. But that isn’t where I was going.

 

In Rand’s Objectivist philosophy as much as she decries the “package-deal” system, she follows it. Probably because to her it seemed she cut through the bullshit of most philosophy and was dealing with the soft underbelly, the ooey-gooey insides, she was. For the most part she was accurate in her assessments. But that a philosophy is born out of hatred, or stupidity, or even of want of control, does not preclude it from having any validity. Pragmatism for example, she cuts it to ribbons in her almost ninja-like style, it dies before knowing it is being attacked. But at the core, pragmatism makes sense, it agrees with objectivism. In that vein I believe that Ayn Rand lost much knowledge that was at her disposal. It is why objectivism is still in its early stages, lumbering around with its protruding brow.

 

Upon realization that all life is interconnected, “made of the same ‘stuff’”, most feel the need to express it, the need to share in this discovery. But this is a discovery which I believe is reserved for everyone. Everyone must make this discovery.

 

Ayn Rand disregards all philosophy that states that some sort of mysticism is needed to know some “greater” knowledge of the world. And she’s right to. But not all of it is as mystic as was thought of at that time. As science has progressed we have come into the knowledge that the capacity of the mind if much greater than that which is conscious and that we are incredibly dependent upon the subconscious and unconscious levels of reasoning, so much so that a great part of society has been manipulated, with their consent and without their knowledge.

 

Ayn Rand would disregard this source of knowledge, calling it mystic, but she shouldn’t. Not that she didn’t have good reasoning for it, but that it was good reasoning based upon a misconception.

 

This knowledge should be learnt by everyone, but it takes effort. Rand has told us that mystics are attempting to reach knowledge without effort. This is not mysticism. You must think, and consider, and contemplate, until the idea is subsumed into your mind; And it will dawn on you. It will come to you, in some form seeming mystic (Eureka!), but it is your mind doing as it should.

 

We are all energy. We are all matter made of energy, big walking energy. Matter is slow energy. Think of the massive (or non-massive, if you want me to go for the pun) amount of energy in the universe. The energy of a thermonuclear weapon is less than that of a single atom; E=MC². (if you’re asking yourself about my semicolon usage, remember that the energy conversion equation is a mathematical sentence).

 

This is my response to the realization that we are all one. This is my expressing the need to share the experience. It has been affected by what I’ve been reading and the websites I’ve visited in the last two weeks. Hopefully I looked only mildly as a fool while doing it.

 

One last parting thought.

 

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”

The photo in our local paper  showed a cubicle that had been destroyed by a fire. The accompanying article said it happened in a state office building and the blaze started when something fell onto a toaster, accidentally switching it on and igniting some paper. I was about to turn the page when my husband asked, "Did you notice where it happened?"

"No," I said. "Where?"

"At the Bureau of Occupational and Industrial Safety."
-- Stefanie Sweger

Stuff like that makes me smile.

I haven't done a Meme in...well probably ever. This just seems like fun.

 

Put your iPod (or other mp3 player) on shuffle.
2) Post the first line (or two) of the lyrics of the first 32 songs that come up (on a few I put like four lines up. Both because I liked the lyrics and to make the guessing somewhat easier. Some fairly non-obscure songs came up, though, so ya never know...).
3) You guys try to identify the song and the artist, and when you do I will label it and give the credit.
4) Using Google or lyric sites is CHEATING! (On your honor...)

Yeah I got tired after twenty.

1.Don't worry about me, I'm gonna make it alright/ Got my enemies crossed out in my sight
-(hah, figures the second song would have no lyrics whatsoever)
2.Will you, walk me/ To the edge again/ Shaking, lonely, /and I am drinking again.
3.I wonder what its like to be the rainmaker/ I wonder what its like to know that I made the rain.
4.It's patience trying when you tell me how to live/ Well you don't know anything/Your expectations are wearing thin./You won't even take a look to see another way
5.Sola, vino a mi ficcion/ Sin dudar, a acompañarme
-(ok at this point I've decided to ignore both lyric-less songs, songs with a single line or less of lyrics, or songs from bands like Sweded never got attention from anyone who didn't know the band personally, but I will keep the foreign language songs.)
6.Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness/ I need to calculate /what creates my own madness
7.I once knew a nigga whose real name was William/ his primary concern, was making a million/ being the illest hustler, that the world ever seen/ he used to fuck moviestars and sniff coke in his dreams.
8.I'm a rolling thunder, a pouring rain/ I'm comin' on like a hurricane/ My lightnings flashing across the sky/ You're only young but you're gonna die
9.I'll take the window seat; /it's just that I'm intrigued by this view from thousands of feet,/ and a love that carries us regardless of defeat.

10. It starts with one thing/ I don’t know why/ It doesn’t even matter how hard you try.

11. I never knew girls existed like you/ But now that I do/ I'd really like to get to know you.

12. Some 15 year old kid sits on his porch, just half-past noon/ Trying to figure out just what hes doing/ Why he had to grow up so soon.

13. Were going down the road to (song title) /I’m going to hit you on the face/ I’m going to punch you in your glasses, oh no.

14. (song title) can‘t you hear me when I call/ (song title) can‘t you hear me when I call.

15. Del melocotón se inventó una historia el sol/ para darle a tus mejillas su color./ Fue la juventud la que con su gorro azul/ te llevaba en bicicleta por el monte Urgull.

16. There’s a place some of us chose to live. /Gated community cops can’t come in./ A neighborhood for punks over the hill.

17. Wired were the eyes of a horse on a (song title)/ One that smiled when he flew over the bay.

18. Now I`m aimin' for heaven/ But probably wind up down in hell./ Where upon this alter I will hang my guilt ridden head.

19. Innocents burned,/alive at the stake./Tortured and dumped/In nameless graves
20. A chemical weapon has been released/ now we’ll never rest in peace./ Hunted and gutted for a weapon of death,/ clutching the bombs you draw your last breath.